fed up.

i get fed up very easily. fed up with life. fed up with people. fed up with myself.

i'm sick of being me. life is so boring. i can't do anything. parents flipped when i asked to go to a 12:15 show with kindra, jordan, and michael. i've been so good and respectful lately. what's the point? they treat me like my brother no matter what i do. they're afraid i'm going to break or something. they don't realize it's just making us farther apart. i can't wait until i'm 18 and can move out.

random guy complimented me on my hair. he was the skater/rebel type and man, oh man, was he hot. i turned as red as my hair. i sold him his ticket, in advance for War of the Worlds, cuz missy had to ask richard something. the guy leaves and she comes back and tells me how red my face is. then i was dooring later, he comes back with some friends, and again, mentions how awesome my hair is. it's all worth it, lol. all the strange looks. everything. it's all worth it.

i'm bored with life. day in, day out, same old thing. i wake up, go to school, go to work, come home, go to bed, repeat. if i felt like being a chiche, i'd say it's a vicious cycle, but i won't. because i am a giant chiche. my life is.

i'm sick of guys too. found out a mentions me, and the person pretty much told me that a likes me. should have been elated instead of just pleased. i couldn't help it, but all i could think was what will he think of my hair. it's so...not me.

i like to pretend i'm an orginal, most people do. but i'm not. i'm the same as the next person, and the person after that, and the person after that. i'm not special. very few people who walk this earth are special. jesus was. and so was mother theresa. can't think of too many other people who are special. angelina jolie maybe. jesus, mother theresa, and angelina jolie. i bet they're are cringing up there. sorry bout that. she is an amazing person though.

sometimes i feel special and important. it's been a while since i have though. last time was in may. when i felt really special. like i mattered. it was when i wrote that article about the star wars campers. it made me feel great. i felt wonderful when i was ten pounds lighter in march/april. i felt like i was walking on air. i felt beautiful then too. i didn't care that i was weak, and couldn't go up stairs. in the end, i realized i was pretty much starving myself, but i didn't care. i wanted to be thin. it was worth it to have to pull my pants up even with a belt. now those same clothes are tight. they're getting looser, but this time it's healthy.

"here goes nothing", she thought as she shed her shirt and ran into the ocean.