in a horrible mood.

i am in a horrible mood. am at my grandmother's right now. craft thing was a blast. came home and over-heard my grandmother mentioning that "she needs to lay off the fast food", so i assumed they were talking about my little sister who breathes in fast food, not me, who has drastically cut back. the she goes on the say "she's a vegetarian, she should be loosing weight. she's getting huge mary kay (my mother)". my dad was with me when i over-heard and i just started tearing up. as if i don't feel bad enough about myself! we went down to the dock and just sat and talked. then we decided to leave and get gas and movies.

we got gas and while it was filling up, my dad was checking his e-mail on his palm piolet and he got this call to call doug asap! so my dad does and it turns out this boom operator in his unit died. i don't know how, but i was able to piece this much together from their conversations. my dad started to cry. the only time i have seen him cry with tears rolling down his checks was at my grandpa's, his dad's, funeral. i offered to drive home but he did. i just rambled and tried to make him feel better, but it didn't really work. all of a sudden he get's all serious and turns to me and says that he doesn't want me getting a motorcycle permit because they are so dangerous (i mentioned wanting one, just so i could have one, earlier on this evening), so i think the man may have died from a motorcycle accident.

i can't help but think about his family that has to spend father's day without him. i don't know what i would do without my dad. he's always on my side. he makes me laugh all the time and builds me up even when i'm tearing him down. he helps me with things like car bills and is the first to approve of my radical/but safe, ideas. he's the one that ok'ed the road trip i want to take next year. he's the one that let me pierce my ears again. he's the reason i have my car. and when i told him i'm dying my hair back to my natural color and putting blue highlights in it, he asked me "why not pink?" i can't imagine what those kids are going through right now and i really don't want to.

i really need someone to talk to, but i'm roaming. if you read this, text message me! i'll respond! you know who you are.