someday

i wish i could tell you the story.
the story of my past.
and my pain.
but emotion has no one word.
how does one explain:
the heartache of a trust betrayed.
the knife felt as a friend lies.
the fear of his hand.
no.
i cannot tell you this story.
for you enjoy fairytales.
and happily ever afters.
families of the fifties.
the smile painted on my face.
keep looking at my face.
do not look in my eyes.
they cry out for help.
don't listen to my words.
they are rough from my battle.
the one against my body.
do not look in my eyes.
because i cannot meet yours.
look at my face.
look at the beautiful mask i wear.
i am happy.
i am happy.
i am happy.
take my hand and we'll walk.
we'll leave behind my past.
leave behind my pain.
and escape the right way.
this time i will not force freedom.
like i tried with that bottle.
the orange one.
with a clean, white lid.
and the little blue pills that promised.
no.
take my hand.
we'll forget the hate i felt.
for those who hurt me.
for those who betrayed me.
but mostly,
for myself.
i'll wear my mask.
and you wear your warm coat.
maybe when we're far enough away.
i'll take off my mask.
and you'll take off your coat.
maybe when we're far enough away.
maybe.