Positive.

I've decided not to dwell on my negative energy anymore. There are a few things I need to do first.

I need to focus on my writing. It'll help to challenge all this energy into a positive thing. It's been so long since I've worked on a story or tried to use my talents for good, not evil! I've decided to through myself back into writing letters to people who need to change (KFC, clothing lines that still use fur...in case I haven't mentioned it enough in the past, I am a vegetarian).

I need to get back to liking me. If I don't like me, why do I expect everyone else to? I have all these things I need to sort through. Recently I was so stressed that I almost did something I used to / still am against. Confusing? Bare with me, I don't want you all to know what I almost did, nothing too creepy though, I swear!

In order to like myself, I must loose weight. I know, I know, typical girl thing. My mother is always on me about my weight and I could stand to be a little thinner. It's something I need to do to like myself. It's something I need to do so that I don't feel like crying every time I look in the mirror. I need to become the confident person I once was.

I need to learn to shut my mouth. I have a huge mouth, and recently, all the negativity has been coming out. I have destroyed my relationships with everyone I love. I was sitting in my room and the thought came across my mind "what do I have to live for?", it scared me. I haven't felt this depressed since 8th grade when I tried to kill myself.

I need to learn. I seem to be making the same mistakes over and over again. I'm acting as insane people do, doing the same thing and expecting different results. If I had learned from my actions earlier this year, I wouldn't be in the predicament I am in right now.

I need to decide where I am going in life so that when I do feel depressed, like normal people do, I can look forward to something.

This one may seem really cheesy, but I need to be with God. I recently became very "in tune" with God and my purpose here, but I have wander far from. I need to try and think of Him and what He would want. I am here to serve Him after all.

I need to become more social. I am a hermit. It may not seem it, but I am. I get very uncomfortable around people, so this causes me to speak and act loudly as to cover up the embarrassment. People would call me to do things and I would make up plans so I could sit at home with my parents and watch TV. People would call and try to talk to me and I'd make an excuse to get off the phone. Now people don't ask me to do things and people don't call me, and it saddens me. It's my own fault. I need to invite people to do stuff. I need to call people.

I need to remain positive.