interesting title

i realized that this guy i work with, dustin, is human. it was really strange. i usually just recard him as the pervert who calls me fat to escape his own insecurities, but tonight...this morning, he actually had a normal conversation. it was pretty cool.

i've also decided i hate capital (right one?) letters. you may have noticed this already, but this is the first time i have actually written it down. my favorite part about no capitals is the letter i. it's pretty kick ass.

i sent this weird e-mail survey thing to friends and now i'm getting like five a day. it's really funny how i put it out there and how many people like doing it. i see why people send me those weird essay things. it's because of the power!

i was so stressed yesterday...well, officially, two days ago. i can't remember if i wrote about it, so i'm going to, and if i did, who gives a shit. two days ago the day of the kid who spray painted our shed came over. my parents, the other kids mom, and the spray paint kids dad were in my yard talking for what seemed like an eternity. i motioned for my mom to come over so i could talk to her and i asked her if i could go to the mall.
"why?"
"because i don't want to be here..."
"sara, nothing happening. we're just talking."
shouts "i don't want to be here. i have to get out of this house." everyone turns and looks at sara.
"fine." mother is embarrassed.
i called about ten people to go to the mall with or to try and make plans with, but it must have been national "don't answer your phone" day. so i went to gordman's and target by myself. one thing you find when you get your license, is you go to quite a few more places alone. i never realized it, but when i'm stressed, i spend money. i bought a really cute green tanktop at gordmans for cheap and then decided to head over to target to buy chewy bars, my new favorite snack food. i decided that i couldn't just buy chewy bars so i ended up buying a purse, two magazines, candy suckers, a cd, and some other small things. i felt better after spending all that money.

ashley, georgia, and i are going to go somewhere during break at summer school tomorrow. i really don't want to go, but i'm the only one who can drive, and i've been saying we will go for about a week, so i kind of have to. i'm just paranoid about losing more hours. i don't mind sitting in the lunchroom talking about nothing, but that's just me.

i have an a in history right now. it was a b on my hand out and i asked her what the cut-off was and she says "9s" and i say "you said it was 94 earlier, and i have a 93 and it says b", then she says "oh, the computer must have reverted back". yeah. i got a b on my test. quite proud of that!

getting hair cut/trim tomorrow! excited!

no work tomorrow so i hope i'll be going to a movie. i'll either call a, heidi, georgia, or rachel. idk who yet. it's so hard having so many friends! j/k!

i got so mad at dustin today, this was before i realized he was human, and he had no idea why. i was quiet and everyone was asking me what was wrong (i had a headache and felt sick) and i kept saying nothing. so dustin assumes it's the thing he says to me everyday (the whole "you're fat, you're ugly, sashkamo" thing), but it isn't. so he tells me i'm a hot, skinny barbie doll, which pisses me off. i don't like getting compliments from guys. sincere or because they think they did something wrong. i feel so much better about myself when people tell me i'm ugly or fat than i do if they say something positive. i'm weird like that though.

i stole my brother's cigarettes. they're in my purse right now. i'm waiting for him to ask me if i told our parents because they're gone. i'm gonna tell him i took them because smoking is so stupid and i don't want him to die, an argument i've used with him over a hundred times. he'll say the same thing he always says "we're all gonna die anyway". it's stupid to bring up the whole "it kills you thing" with my suicidal brother. i thought about this after it came out of my mouth. i don't want him to die though. smoking is so stupid and as much as i dislike my brother right now, for the smoking, stealing, and sex thing, i do love him and i don't know what i would do without him. when he has his good days, it's like he's my old brother again, the one i can laugh and joke with, the one i play video games with, not a creepy stealing bum. i don't like who he's become and i wish i could change it. we all do.