Smiling
...I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy, I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry, I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I’m going to smile...
I feel like a bit**. Who am I kidding? I am one.
I am feeling depressed and when Stephanie asked me why I wouldn't tell her who I liked I told her it was because we aren't very good friends. She was all sad and stuff and I felt bad...even though it's true. Why is it the truth hurts. Why should someone be insulted if you say that you aren't really good friends with them? I'm not really good friends with anyone. I have a reason though! Skip to the next paragraph to read it because I feel like another paragraph right about
now. Anyway, I grew up on the Air Force Base and I was one of the only kids who never moved (my dad chose an area that allowed him to stay put). I would always make friends and they'd move away. I'd be best friends with someone for two to three years and then they'd move. I was also a geek. I was the kid that the popular kids were nice to if they were fighting with their friends. I was a nice person. I'd hang out with that person for a couple of days but I always reminded myself that in a few days, they wouldn't like me again. Then I moved to town in sixth grade. It seemed like a good time, a time when some different elementary schools were merging, but it wasn't for me. I had lived in town since third grade and had made some neighborhood friends, but they were popular, and I wasn't, so we didn't really speak. One of the girls goes to another high school now, and the other one and I are "friends". Back to the story, so I eventually made friends and they stabbed me in the back. One of them convinced the others of what a geek I was and that she never liked me, so I was pretty much kicked out of that group. Those girls and I don't really talk anymore---I just silently curse them when they come into view. I got suicidal after that and my mom tried to put me in counseling, but I refused. I slowly got out of that suicidal "phase" and made new friends right before high school where we went to different schools. I have lots of friends and people I like to hang out with now, but I don't have any good friends. I have trouble trusting people. I just can't open myself up to be hurt again. It sucks. The people that made me the way I am, suck.
That's why I don't have any good friends. I'm happy with my life, but I hate it when people consider themselves my good friend and they never call or want to hang out, or really, think about me. Those people are just part of the reason I don't trust people. I could go on about my screwed up life for hours, but why bore you?
I'm not saying my life sucks or I hate it or anything. I'm happy and I'm usually the bubbly person people see, but I don't trust people easily. I don't think that's weird. It's who I am. I am a happy, bubbly, smart, un-trusting person. What can you do?
Final Thought: Why is that singers seem to reach into our souls, and rip out the good as well as the bad memories?
I feel like a bit**. Who am I kidding? I am one.
I am feeling depressed and when Stephanie asked me why I wouldn't tell her who I liked I told her it was because we aren't very good friends. She was all sad and stuff and I felt bad...even though it's true. Why is it the truth hurts. Why should someone be insulted if you say that you aren't really good friends with them? I'm not really good friends with anyone. I have a reason though! Skip to the next paragraph to read it because I feel like another paragraph right about
now. Anyway, I grew up on the Air Force Base and I was one of the only kids who never moved (my dad chose an area that allowed him to stay put). I would always make friends and they'd move away. I'd be best friends with someone for two to three years and then they'd move. I was also a geek. I was the kid that the popular kids were nice to if they were fighting with their friends. I was a nice person. I'd hang out with that person for a couple of days but I always reminded myself that in a few days, they wouldn't like me again. Then I moved to town in sixth grade. It seemed like a good time, a time when some different elementary schools were merging, but it wasn't for me. I had lived in town since third grade and had made some neighborhood friends, but they were popular, and I wasn't, so we didn't really speak. One of the girls goes to another high school now, and the other one and I are "friends". Back to the story, so I eventually made friends and they stabbed me in the back. One of them convinced the others of what a geek I was and that she never liked me, so I was pretty much kicked out of that group. Those girls and I don't really talk anymore---I just silently curse them when they come into view. I got suicidal after that and my mom tried to put me in counseling, but I refused. I slowly got out of that suicidal "phase" and made new friends right before high school where we went to different schools. I have lots of friends and people I like to hang out with now, but I don't have any good friends. I have trouble trusting people. I just can't open myself up to be hurt again. It sucks. The people that made me the way I am, suck.
That's why I don't have any good friends. I'm happy with my life, but I hate it when people consider themselves my good friend and they never call or want to hang out, or really, think about me. Those people are just part of the reason I don't trust people. I could go on about my screwed up life for hours, but why bore you?
I'm not saying my life sucks or I hate it or anything. I'm happy and I'm usually the bubbly person people see, but I don't trust people easily. I don't think that's weird. It's who I am. I am a happy, bubbly, smart, un-trusting person. What can you do?
Final Thought: Why is that singers seem to reach into our souls, and rip out the good as well as the bad memories?
posted by Stezie @ 6:20 PM
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