Tonight

I cannot wait. AHHH! It's gonna be fun. Once again. Yes!

TNL

TNL tonight. Yes! I am so excited! I cannot wait. Will right more later.

Something else not by me

A favorite poem of Audrey Hepburn:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone...
People, even more than things,have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed, and redeemed and redeemed and redeemed.
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

Another annoying song I love

Collide - Howie Day

The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah

I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time I somehow find
You and I collide

Don't stop here
I lost my place
I'm close behind

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide

You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide

Maybe

Life is full of maybes.
I like to know.
Where I stand.
What you think.
If we think.
Alike.
I'd rather know.
Then play the maybe game.
I like.
Knowing.
Like those AIDs.
Commercials.
Knowing is.
Beautiful.

Happy

I so...happy. I like floating and being happy. Even the stupid english test I forgot about didn't get me down!

I did it!

It didn't work out the way I wanted it to. I couldn't get him alone to ask (because I'm sure as heck not going to ask with all those other people around) so I was mad. I went home and he was online and, pathetic as it may seem, mentioned the possibility. He said it'd be fun, but I'm not sure if he knows I'm serious. Life is too complicated! I just wish I could have asked him face-to-face. Oh well. I'm still happy with the way everything turned out.

Why?

I'm starting to understand, just a little bit, a tiny glance, what guys go through when they want to ask a girl out. Now I see why girls don't ask guys out. Not because it's weird, but because it's so NERVE RACKING! Ahhh. I'm doing it in person too, that'll be scary enough. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a girlfriend, but what happens if he just got one, or I just don't know about it? Ahhh!

So, I should wear a tie.

I'm asking this guy out on a date. Lord help me!

And then their were links...

This is why I cannot become a singer.
I was a special kid.
I think this is just funny.
Sad.
Oh, I love my job...

What's the use

I don't see why I haven't been telling people the identity of the person close to me that tried to kill themself. I guess I was embarrassed. Ashamed. I talked about it with my dad and he says I shouldn't be ashamed. So, even though people I know read this, I am going to tell you about the person close to me that tried to kill themself by swallowing a bottle of pills.

It was my brother.

My brother doesn't have that many good friends. People always call him a druggie and when he had a girlfriend, people would always tell him he treated her like crap and stuff like that. My brother broke up with his girlfriend because her friends kept telling her what an awful guy my brother is, and he's not. My brother still has feelings for her, but she no longer has any for him. She's stringing him along though. One day, she called him and told him she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Then, about a day later, she called my mom and was saying how worried she was about Michael. My brother told her he was going to kill himself and a little part of me blames her. She strung him along and made the pain of a break-up, twenty times worse. After she told him that she basically wanted nothing to do with him, he cried. I have never seen my brother cry.

Work and stuff

Had to work yesterday.
Took today off.
Someone called me and asked if I could work for them today.
I told them no.
I have plans.
I didn't.
I lie.
A lot.
It's sad.
But I hate work.
Except when he comes.
It's all alright when he comes.

I have to baby-sit.
Tonight.
I don't feel like.
Writing complete sentences.
Having complete thoughts.
I'm not trying to be poetic.
Just stopping the line.
When I think I can.
You don't like it?
Tough.
I have to baby-sit tonight.
Four bucks an hour.
I miss my job.
When it comes to affairs of money.
I like money.
Sadly, it's true.
I need money for FBLA.
We're going to Minneapolis.
Did I spell that right?
Who cares.
I have to baby-sit to night.
A girl like Silas Marner.
In a medical sense.
It's sad, but true.
When I read the book.
I was one of the few that understood.
Because I baby-sit.
A girl like Silas Marner.
I baby-sit her tonight.

Life

I've always thought that I lead a perfectly normal life. It wasn't until recently that I realized that no one's life is normal; not even mine. Life is full of all this shit. I hate the shit that is going on in my life right now. I feel like all this shit is happening all at once.

I love my family. Sounds strange, but it's true. That's just my immediate family though. My uncles, aunt, grandmothers, they are a completely different story. Sure, they can be awesome. Lately though, they have all been at their worst. All their flaws have been affecting my family. My grandma, for example, is judgmental. She doesn't know how much she hurts us when she criticizes us. She's the best of them all though.

This kid at Central killed himself recently. I hate to say it, but I hate how people draw so much attention to these kids who take their lives. It's almost as if we're praising them, telling everyone that they were great and we'll miss them, telling everyone that if they kill themselves we'll praise you. For the kids who have no to few friends, it's like telling them "kill yourself, people will give you the attention you never get". Someone really close to me try to kill themself right after this happened by swallowing a bottle of pills. The recent they did it was because they don't have that many friends and they saw all the attention this kid got after he committed suicide, even by people who didn't really know or like him.

I've never really been someone to cry that easily, but lately, I've been a lot quieter. I feel really guilty when I'm having fun and happy. Life brings us to our knees sometimes. I'm on my knees right now.

Orgasm

My candy was having an orgasm. It was interesting.

I like this song...

Artist: Blaine Larsen
Lyrics for Song: How Do You Get That Lonely
Lyrics for Album: In My High School
It was just another story written on the second page Underneath the Tiger's football score It said he was only eighteen, a boy about my age They found him face down on the bedroom floor There'll be services on Friday at the Lawrence Funeral Home Then out on Mooresville highway, they'll lay him 'neath a stone... How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all Is better than the life that you had How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go How do you get that lonely... and nobody know Did his girlfriend break up with him, did he buy or steal that gun? Did he lose a fight with drugs or alcohol? Did his Mom and Daddy forget to say I love you son? Did no one see the writing on the wall? I'm not blamin' anybody, we all do the best we can I know hindsight's 20/20, but I still don't understand... How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all Is better than the life that you had How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go How do you get that lonely... and nobody know It was just another story printed on the second page Underneath the Tiger's football score...

So...yeah...um

It was Valentine's Day and it just wouldn't be Valentine's Day if I didn't get in a huge argument with someone and only end it by making a bet.

The Argument
Someone said that she could never get a boyfriend even if she really wanted and tried to.

The Rebuttal
I said that anyone can get a boyfriend (girlfriend) if they play their cards right.

The Bet
I said that I can get a guy to ask me out (any guy, doesn't have to be drool worthy) by March 14 (one month's time), if I fail. I owe the someone ten dollars.

Let the games begin!

Drop

Just dropping a line. *Drops the line*

Weekend

I took my first weekend off! I got Friday off for this dance and Saturday off because I thought we'd be staying the night where the dance was. We ended up leaving around midnight, right after the dance, and coming home. I spent most of my Sat. with Todd, Maggie, and Steph-along with some other people we ran into at the hockey game (RR vs. Grafton). It was fun. I had a blast. More later.

Suicide

Gosh! This kid recently committed suicide at Central, the other high school in town. I never thought that it'd affect me. I didn't know this kid, but he still impacted my life and my family's life more than he'll ever know.

Soul patches and goats

Daniel says he's growing a soul patch or goat... eww! Soul patches are so gross! Ugh! If Daniel grows one, I'm sneaking into his house and waxing, not shaving, it off!

Georgia

Georgia is a really nice girl at my school. She thinks everyone hates her though. It's very sad. Show your love for G (Georgia) everyone!

Chem. sucks butt

I took a test in Chem. today. I didn't even know what it was on. Still don't. I'm going to go cry.

New Blog

I have another blog! It's call Unique and Bizarre Holidays. See what you think because I love it. Or as Andrew and Maggie would say, "Heart it". Check it out at http://www.bizarreholidays.blogspot.com/ .

sometimes i just need to.

sometimes i just need to.
curl into a ball.
sleep all day.
fall asleep on the floor.
break the rules.
lie.
piss someone off.
scream so loud.
turn music on too loud.
forget i'm alive.
forget my life.
pretend i'm not me.
pretend i'm not human.
sometimes i even have to.
cry.

i worked a double yesterday, watched Phantom of the Opera after the double, then watched Million Dollar Baby with the assistant manager and some of the other people at the theater. Didn't get home until 4, woke up at 8, went to work at 11 and then lots of other crap happened.
---we have employee viewings sometimes, when it's just the employees who stay late and it's awesome...we yell, throw popcorn at the screen, and, of course, watch the movie.

went to a dance on fri. it sucked. before the dance i had a blast getting ready. we all got a little crazy. i spent about half my time with karen because she doesn't dance and since the dance sucked, i decided to talk with her. i managed to get this guy she likes to dance with her for the last dance. she couldn't stop smiling after that. we both had fun laughing at all the dumb people. some of the parts of the dance were a lot better than others. i will not tell u specific parts because people from my school read my blog...and well, they read my blog.

these, and many other reasons, are what has (have?) prevented me from posting. i apologize.

also, quickly, i'm feeling very sick, bitter, and over-all bitchy at the moment, so this is why the punctuation and clarity of the sentences, plus most the capitols, are crap...or missing.

Ah

Hope you die in a flaming car crash...

Maybe

Maybe. That's all I'll say. He's a maybe. Many guys are maybe's. He has potential. I like who I am around him. And hey, a blind person could tell he's good looking. What am I saying? A maybe? Like I'm the one who should be critiquing him. I don't even know if he likes me. Maybe?

AHHHHHHH

It's not obvious because it's not true!

Sorry

Miss you all. Incredibly busy. Will try harder to post.