fed up.

i get fed up very easily. fed up with life. fed up with people. fed up with myself.

i'm sick of being me. life is so boring. i can't do anything. parents flipped when i asked to go to a 12:15 show with kindra, jordan, and michael. i've been so good and respectful lately. what's the point? they treat me like my brother no matter what i do. they're afraid i'm going to break or something. they don't realize it's just making us farther apart. i can't wait until i'm 18 and can move out.

random guy complimented me on my hair. he was the skater/rebel type and man, oh man, was he hot. i turned as red as my hair. i sold him his ticket, in advance for War of the Worlds, cuz missy had to ask richard something. the guy leaves and she comes back and tells me how red my face is. then i was dooring later, he comes back with some friends, and again, mentions how awesome my hair is. it's all worth it, lol. all the strange looks. everything. it's all worth it.

i'm bored with life. day in, day out, same old thing. i wake up, go to school, go to work, come home, go to bed, repeat. if i felt like being a chiche, i'd say it's a vicious cycle, but i won't. because i am a giant chiche. my life is.

i'm sick of guys too. found out a mentions me, and the person pretty much told me that a likes me. should have been elated instead of just pleased. i couldn't help it, but all i could think was what will he think of my hair. it's so...not me.

i like to pretend i'm an orginal, most people do. but i'm not. i'm the same as the next person, and the person after that, and the person after that. i'm not special. very few people who walk this earth are special. jesus was. and so was mother theresa. can't think of too many other people who are special. angelina jolie maybe. jesus, mother theresa, and angelina jolie. i bet they're are cringing up there. sorry bout that. she is an amazing person though.

sometimes i feel special and important. it's been a while since i have though. last time was in may. when i felt really special. like i mattered. it was when i wrote that article about the star wars campers. it made me feel great. i felt wonderful when i was ten pounds lighter in march/april. i felt like i was walking on air. i felt beautiful then too. i didn't care that i was weak, and couldn't go up stairs. in the end, i realized i was pretty much starving myself, but i didn't care. i wanted to be thin. it was worth it to have to pull my pants up even with a belt. now those same clothes are tight. they're getting looser, but this time it's healthy.

"here goes nothing", she thought as she shed her shirt and ran into the ocean.

idea.

to give all you bloggers a general idea of the color of my hair, i am providing a link that shows the little mermaid barbie doll. notice her hair. that's the color mine is. i've decided i like it. i also love people's reactions. it makes me smile.

red.

my hair is red. not stop sign red. pretty damn close. i'm adjusting.

life would be better.

life would be better if we all lived in basements. i was sitting in my room and decided to look out my window. since my room is in the basement, i had to look up. it was a really interesting perspective.

life would be better if we all lived in basements. it rained today. nothing is as beautiful as the rain dancing on the top cover of the egress window. it's so calming, that sound.

life would be better if we all lived in basements. away from the world. under everything.

snuck or sneaked.

i attempted to sneak into a movie. um...remind me never to do this again. it was so hard because i work there and everyone knows me and asks what movie i'm going to and stuff. it's a lot harder than when i didn't work at the theater. i used to sneak into r movies all the time and not get caught. the funny thing is, this movie wasn't rated r. i'll explain later.

if only rainbows could talk.

poker.

e said he's gonna teach me how to play poker and that when he's through, i'm going to awesome and win against most people, excluding himself of course. we were talking about this as i was ranting about no one being home, having no plans, etc., and then he said he'll teach me when we have our horrible movie night (we've decided we're going to rent some of the worst movie:gigli,etc: and watch them). i'm looking forward to it because it should be quite entertaining.

i called maybe 10 people last night looking for someone to sneak into a movie with me, but everyone was either not home or not answering their phone so i stayed home all by myself. this may have been a factor to why i was feeling depressed.

my parents finally came and my mom and i started watching spanglish and then about half way, we got in this huge argument and we stopped watching. i just asked her if she'd like to pick up where SHE left off, and she started going on about everything she had to do...as she sits on the couch and reads.

have to work today. not looking forward to it. never am. i got to leave work an hour and a half yesterday. it was really nice. i was really happy.

day 6 of the 'ole diet. i have no idea if i've lost any weight because i haven't been on the scale since the end of my last diet. once i weigh myself monday i'm going to hit the exercising hard. i want to loose as quickly as i did before. even get down farther.

i can to the weirdest realization the other day. when i talk and flirt with other people, i don't realize i'm me. anyone have any idea what i mean? i'm no longer little over-weight, braces on teeth, sometimes wears glasses, sara. i'm this beautiful person that can do whatever she wants. it's strange because when i talk to other people, like this really skinny girl at work, i feel like i sort of look like them because that's what i see. it's this really strange thing. most of the time i feel faceless though. i sort of like being faceless because their is nothing to be judged. i wish we were all faceless or could see others like that. personality is the best thing, but everyone first judges you by your outside. you have to work so hard if your face isn't as beautiful as the next persons.

one of my friends isn't talking to me. i don't know why and it worries me. i've called her many times and she always hangs up, she blocks me online, i'm so confused. i didn't say anything because when i am a bitch, it's usually on purpose. so i'm wondering if she heard some rumor or something...i don't know what it would be about, but that's my only guess.

the sun isn't always greener on the other side of the sea.

300+

i have over 300 posts. i did not realize that. i don't know how much over, but i do. i went to the see 300 thing and it only went until november. i started in september. this is awesome! i need to throw a party!

bipolar.

i think i'm bipolar. i was in a fantastic mood and had all this stuff runny through my head and now i am sitting in my house, alone, feeling depressed. my family went out to eat and i can't go because i'm not strong enough to resist the food. none of my friends answered their phones. for some odd reason i just want to start crying. i think i'm afraid of being alone. i used to like it, but it feels so weird right now. i don't like feeling alone. it's worse when you call and they don't answer. the phone just keeps ringing and you start to think how they're out their having fun and you are home, alone, by yourself. i need to snap out of this.

smile like you mean it.

Bold the movies you have seen and set your opinon in ( ).

01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek (ok...wasn't a HUGE fan)
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride (hilarious, made me laugh)
07. Love Actually (alright)
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (alright...not may favorite one)
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (really liked this one)
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (really good, but didn't deserve all the awards)
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean (used to love...not it's a "i'm really x 100 bored" type of movie)
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job (good)
25. Goonies (class)
26. Baseketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie (Spiceworld)
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo (awesome, not wonderful though)
34. Monsters Inc. (s'ok)
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins (i've always wanted a nanny like her, i used to sing that sugar song ALL the time)
37. The Bourne Identity (awesome, and the sequel's is one of the few i've liked)
38. Forrest Gump (class)
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop (sad and pathetic)
41. On The Line (embarassing to admit i've seen)
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding (not wonderful)
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legends
46. Cheaper by the Dozen (saw in theaters, reminds me of a friend's family...)
47. The Crow
48. The Princess and the Warrior
49. Seabiscuit
50. Hard Core Logo
51. Phantom of the Paradise
52. Zardoz
53. Lost in Translation (good)
54. American Beauty
55. Big Fish
56. Starship Troopers
57. Starship Troopers 2
58. The Lost Boys
59. All About Eve
60. Showgirls
61. Swept Away
62. Star Wars (awesome, seen them all)
63. Black Hawk Down
64. Elizabeth
65. The Shawshank Redemption
66. Four Weddings and a Funeral (interesting...)
67. The Sound of Music (ha! used to be my favorite, haven't watched it since)
68. Notting Hill
69. Scotland
70. Oxygen
71. The Ring
72. Shrunken Heads
73. Legend
74. About a Boy (good)
75. Lilo and Stitch (disappointing)
76. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (funny)
77. Pitch Black
78. Maid in Manhattan (J. Lo cannot act!)
79. Willow
80. The Usual Suspect
81. Naked Tango
82. Labyrinth
83. Fight Club (tthanks to my brother, i have it mostly memorized)
84. The Dark Crystal
85. The Nightmare Before Christmas (saw it once...can't really remember)
86. Idle Hands
87. From Hell
88. Meet Joe Black
89. The Breakfast Club (hilarious! always on Oxygen)
90. FAME
91. Moon Child
92. Zatoichi
93. Ichi the Killer
94. Gohatto
95. Velvet Goldmine
96. Bend It Like Beckham (saw this before it came out in states, thought i was cool)
97. Far and Away
98: Raiders of the Lost Ark
99: X-Men
100: Lethal Weapon (wouldn't buy it)
101. Pi
102: The Chosen
103: Amadeus
104. Gummo
105. Sliding Doors
106. Gone With The Wind
107. Wizard of Oz (own it because of this weird, interesting, care not to explain, thing)
108. Back to the Future (mom made me watch it)
109. Haggard
110. Empire Records
111. Zoolander (HILARIOUS! MUST OWN!)
112. The Bird Cage (impressed)
113. Girl Interrupted
114. Better Off Dead
115. Euro Trip
116. Good Will Hunting (class)
117. Never Been Kissed (lol, reminds me of a lot of people...)
118. Drive Me Crazy
119. Sixteen Candles
120. Pretty in Pink
121. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (CRAP)
122. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (bloddy hell. ha, love that, movie-so, so)
123. 10 Things I Hate About You (another one you have to rent)
124. Bridget Jones' Diary
125. Top Gun (really good)
126. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (funny)
127. Vanilla Sky
128. Ocean's Eleven
129. The Boondock Saints
130. Ed Wood
131. Batman (which one?)
132. Newsies
133. Moulin Rouge (class)
134. "O"
135. Troop Beverly Hills (ugh. i...just...ugh)
136. The Matrix
137. West Side Story (really disappointing)
139. The Land Before Time (own the original before they got dumb)
140. American History X
141. Amelie class
142. Vulgar the clown
143. You've Got Mail (Gram's favorite movie)
144. Almost Famous (class)
145. The Notebook (book was better)
146. Terminator 2
147. Sister Act 2 (alright...let down)
148. Princess Mononoke
149. My Neighbor Totoro
150. Monty Python's Meaning of Life
151. Laputa: Castle in the Sky
152. Mulholland drive
153. Donnie Brasco
154. True Romance
155. Once Upon a Time in America
156. Stand By Me
157. Fried Green Tomatoes
158. Beauty and the Beast (who hasn't?)
159. Ever After (good)
160. Father of the Bride (funny)
161. Memento
162. Adaptation
163. Run Lola Run
164. Rainman (really good)
165. Steel Magnolias
166. Casper (childhood favorite, grew out of it luckily)
167. Josie and the Pussycats (I WAS SICK! it was on tv, don't blame me!)
168. Say Anything
169. Mad Love
170. L.A. Confidential
171. Citizen Kane
172. Psycho (1960)
173. Bring It On Again
174. Honey
175. Blow
176. A Walk To Remember (good, didn't cry)
177. CAMP
178. How To Deal (book was better)
179. Radioflyer
180. Nothing But Trouble
181. Igby Goes Down
182. Garden State (lil disappointing, but still very good)
183. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Wonderful. Must see. Impressive)
184. Heathers
185. A Beautiful Mind
186. Thelma and Louise
187. Clueless (it was like...no.)
188. The Royal Tenenbaums
189. Less Than Zero
190. The Rules of Attraction
191. Blue Collar Comedy Tour
192. Wimbeldon (for the actors, disappointing, the plot, alright)
193. Children Of Dune
194. Apocalypse Now
195. Kramer vs. Kramer
196. Runaway Jury
197. Much Ado About Nothing
198. Sideways
199. Chocolat (fell asleep)
200. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
201. The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T
202. Tapeheads
203. Patton
204. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
205. The Blues Brothers
206. Henry V
207. Hudson Hawk
208. Undercover Blues
209. Gone in 60 Seconds
210. Emperor's New Groove (lol, lil girl i babysit's favorite movie)
211. Full Metal Jacket
212. Dead Poets Society
213. What Dreams May Come
214. SLC Punk
215. 200 Cigarettes
216. Catch Me if You Can (good)
217. The Spongebob Squarepants Movie
218. Life Is Beautiful
219. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
220. Psycho Beach Party
221. Gigli
222. Mean Girls (interesting...interesting)
223. Gothika
224. Welcome To The Dollhouse
225. Ghost World
226. Party Monster
227. Pingu
228. ...and God Spoke
229. The Who's Tommy
230. Singin' in the Rain (class)
231. Monsoon Wedding
232. Romeo + Juliet (original, hate to say it...horrible. lil 14 year olds shouldn't show that much cleavage)
233. Pulp Fiction
234. Raising Arizona
235. The Naked Gun
236. Swimming Pool
237. Vanity Fair
238. The United States of Leland
239. life as a house (really good)
240. dead mans curve
241. blonde venus

BRAC.

Went to the BRAC meeting today at the Fritz for school and to suppport the base. I hope they don't close it. I don't know if I'll want to stay here without the base. Central's attendance with have a huge drop and Grand Forks will be changed. We really will be a town in the middle of no where.

More later.

in shackles.

People always ask how your relationship with your mother is in movies. It's what they seem to say no matter if you are scared of spiders, suicidal, or just frustrated with your job. They are so quick to blame your mother and until recently, I thought it was a crock of shit and they needed to go back and re-test for their degree.

Parents, not just mothers, ruin lives. They set standards that are too high for their children to achieve. They claim that they love you and they just want the best for you, yet they are only looking out for themselves.

Some students get straight A's. Some kids don't. If you are one of those kid's that doesn't excel in academics and your parent did, it can be very disheartening to come home with a B on a chemistry test that you studied so hard for, and the only response you get is "you'll do better next time dear".

Sometimes the parent didn't do well at much and they are pushing you so you don't end up right where they are; unhappy. Let's say your parent slide by in High School, barely made in through College, and is now working for a big office. Some people want to be in that office, but your parent had other plans. They wanted to travel, to influence people, to save lives. And there they are, sitting at a desk, doing a job. They don't want that for you. So they push you. They make you studied more in one night than they did their entire time in High School. They make you get a job to save money when they just mooched from their parents. They want you to do great things, so they push, and push, and don't stop to think what you want.

Don't get me wrong. Parents being involved in your life is a great thing. Everyone needs someone in their corner. Sometimes you want to go in your own though. Sometimes you want to walk down a different path.

We live in a society where the next girl is always thinner. The next person is always better looking. Being average isn't enough. You need to excel. Some people's parents don't tell their children that they are beautiful the way they are and that not everyone can be a size 0. Some parent's make it worse.

Watching TV you see these beautiful, thin, intelligent models and when your parent tells you that you need to loose weight, it's not just them. It's like the World is telling you that you aren't good enough.

Then these girls start to diet and they start loosing weight. And their parent is there, cheering them on, rooting for them. And it seems like they care. That they love you and for once they approve. These girls start thinking, "if they act this way when I loose 5 pounds, what about 10? 15?", and they develop eating disorders.

Don't get me wrong, not all girls with eating disorders have "inattentive" parents. Not all children who ace class have a parent their, pressuring them. But some kids do.

These parents need to think of their children. Give them encouragement whether they are 10 pounds over-weight and not dieting or 10 pounds over-weight and dieting. Parents need to love and be involved with their child's life through the good and the bad. The normal day and the dieting day. Parents need to realize that perfection is a myth. After all, they weren't perfect, how can they expect their child to be?

***OPINION OF ME ONLY!***

Countdowns and ups...

it's been 11 days since i've seen...
it's been 2...okay, 1 1/2 days on my diet.
it's been 2 hours since i've actually spoken the someone.
it's been 10 hours since i woke up.
it's been 15 minutes of doing nothing.
it's been 16 years of doing nothing.
it's been a long boring day...the evening doesn't look to promising.

ew. but a good ew.

just finished exercising. i am so out of shape. thought i was going to die. then i decided to do something stupid and i fell down and slide down the treadmill. cuz i'm cool like that.

i am so lonely right now. my brother is a t's and my mom is out with her friends, surprisingly she does have friends-i was shocked. i am home. alone. by myself. pondering life. and how many calories i can still eat.

don't know if i mentioned it, but i started another diet. counting calories once again. i can tell you how many calories are in just about anything. it's slowly coming back to me. i was testing myself at work, lol.

work tonight. at 6. double ew. this is a bad ew.

want to shower because i feel gross, but i'm taking the time to blog. again, because i'm cool like that.

i don't remember what i have and have not blogged about, so forgive me if i repeat.

i went to mr. and mrs. smith with my friend h. the movie was really good. at times we would laugh in unison and in about the same pitch. it was really funny. and then at parts it would just be us two laughing. i love it when that happens. but at some parts, it was just me, and she'd lean over and be like "i don't think that was supposed to be funny". i did the same thing is lords of dogtown.

got home around 11 last night, after the movie. and was going to do homework, but i feel asleep with the lights and tv on in my room. don't know why i thought i could stay awake. all i did was bundle in my blanket to get warm-my room is always wonderful and cold. so now two of my packets are going to be 1/2 credit. sadly, i don't care. i'll just make sure to do and do well on everything else.

dirty church movies=lol g.

people.

class was alright today. i'm so stressed out. i woke up, threw on this Geek Squad shirt, and left the house. i feel so gross right now. i think that one i dye my hair, it'll be better.

listening to music right now.

gonna go find my shoes so i can exercise.

need to...

exercise.
find my shoes.
so i can exercise.
loose weight.
loose negative energy.
stop caring.
about the media.
grandmother.
do homework.
get ready for work.
switch the clothes.
find shoes.
exercise.

confused, as usual.

i've decided i might actually want to pursue this relationship with this one guy, but it's been awhile since we've talked about it, i'm not sure he still likes me. should i ask him? when i do know, i just want to sit back and not have to work at it, but i do, otherwise it all just dies. it's really weird because we don't talk that much, if at all really, in person. i always feel more comfortable talking to them online and then i don't like the fact that i've told them all this stuff about me and it makes me scared that if i have an actual conversation with them, they'll change their mind or there will be all these awkward pauses-i hate pauses.

then there is this other person. who's younger. and i rarely see him. or talk to him. but when we do stuff together i feel like i'm floating. i want to bottle that feeling.

so confused, yet the mind knows.

news! huge news!

and some small news. will explain later! just got home. going to bed. rick is a prick.

in a horrible mood.

i am in a horrible mood. am at my grandmother's right now. craft thing was a blast. came home and over-heard my grandmother mentioning that "she needs to lay off the fast food", so i assumed they were talking about my little sister who breathes in fast food, not me, who has drastically cut back. the she goes on the say "she's a vegetarian, she should be loosing weight. she's getting huge mary kay (my mother)". my dad was with me when i over-heard and i just started tearing up. as if i don't feel bad enough about myself! we went down to the dock and just sat and talked. then we decided to leave and get gas and movies.

we got gas and while it was filling up, my dad was checking his e-mail on his palm piolet and he got this call to call doug asap! so my dad does and it turns out this boom operator in his unit died. i don't know how, but i was able to piece this much together from their conversations. my dad started to cry. the only time i have seen him cry with tears rolling down his checks was at my grandpa's, his dad's, funeral. i offered to drive home but he did. i just rambled and tried to make him feel better, but it didn't really work. all of a sudden he get's all serious and turns to me and says that he doesn't want me getting a motorcycle permit because they are so dangerous (i mentioned wanting one, just so i could have one, earlier on this evening), so i think the man may have died from a motorcycle accident.

i can't help but think about his family that has to spend father's day without him. i don't know what i would do without my dad. he's always on my side. he makes me laugh all the time and builds me up even when i'm tearing him down. he helps me with things like car bills and is the first to approve of my radical/but safe, ideas. he's the one that ok'ed the road trip i want to take next year. he's the one that let me pierce my ears again. he's the reason i have my car. and when i told him i'm dying my hair back to my natural color and putting blue highlights in it, he asked me "why not pink?" i can't imagine what those kids are going through right now and i really don't want to.

i really need someone to talk to, but i'm roaming. if you read this, text message me! i'll respond! you know who you are.

quickie.

got to go soon. going to va, mn this weekend for loon fest. gonna buy lots of shit i don't really need.

um...mom made me hate myself in an attempt to be nice. she does that a lot. she bought me these shorts, which is the one article of clothing i loate wearing, and she bought them a little small. she's like "oh, you'll loose the weight!" and i asked her "what if i don't?" and she just goes "oh sara" and shakes her head.

my car is in the "shop" right now. i thought it was sounding funny and it turns out i was right. it's going to end up costing me $900. that sucks. i have to help pay for a huge chunk of it. i hope they don't have to go into my trunk for nething...i have so much crap in there. i just thought it'd be a routine check-up so i didn't bother to clean the trunk. deary me. the trunk is completely filled. i really, really hope they don't have to go in the trunk! it's embarassing thinking about it.

got to go cash my paycheck and give it to my parents. $300 down the drain. ugh!

don't look at me like that.

wow. um.

i sound really crazy...or high...or something.

have to work in an hour. i hope that i get to cashier. it's a slim possibility. i'm keeping the fingers crossed. batman wasn't crazy-ticket wise. i've been hearing bad things about it.

i lie.

about random things. that no one really cares about. i lie. and then i don't tell the truth because i don't know why i lied in the first place. i think i'm addicted to lying. plus pride. i have too much pride to tell someone i lied. i need to work on those.

today i lied about as much as usual. i told someone i was ambredextrious, and i'm really not. i mean, i am to a certain point, but when it comes to writing and other things like that, i can't.

i lied about having another blog. i don't know why. it really wasn't that big of a deal. i think that sometimes with this blog i feel like i can't be myself because people i know read it. i lied to myself and told myself, and then all you reader people, that i did have a safe place to vent.

i lied to my boss. this one isn't unusual.

i lied to myself. it's something i've been doing lately. i lie to myself to make myself feel better. i lie to myself because i want to be the person i pretend to be.

i lie when it comes to how much i lie. i lie at least fifteen times a day. sometimes it's in my head. sometimes i'll think, "sara, you don't feel that way" and then i'll start thinking "yes you do, you have to, if you don't, you're not normal".

dustin asked me if i was bi-polar the other day. i think i have a split personality. i don't know sometimes. i hate myself so much sometimes and other times i feel great. sometimes when i'm feeling great, i tell myself how horrible i am. i beat myself dow

just got home...

had a midnight showing of batman. only like 80 people came.

i worked on the schedule for the venders for next week for over an hour! then richard looks at it and starts telling me everything that's wrong with it.

i'm sort of stressed. the lower part of my back hurts when i lean forward or straight extend to touch my toes. it sucks.

i need money because look fest is this weekend! i am so excited. it takes place in virgina, mn and my family and i go every year. it's this giant craft thing with something for everyone. i cannot wait.

still haven't gotten father a father's day gift. guess this means i don't love him.

going out to eat after school with georgia, heidi, emma, and maybe a couple more people to celebrate georgia's b-day. i don't want to take her b-day with me because i hate carrying things, so i'll either give it to her when i give her a ride today...later at 7:15am-ish or tomorrow. i think belated gifts are better than on-time gifts. just me though.

i think that the one person who kept talking about my ego, in one post, is posting comments again. it's quite sad that they feel they have to remain anonymous. i bet it's some guy i go to school with. usually, random people have better things to do with their time.

i have started another blog. i don't like having two, but the other one, under a different user name, is all about me and normal girl things. i hate talking about crushes, fights, and other things because i know people are reading and some of those people are males.

guys just don't understand girls.

on break...

i have two minutes left.
of my 30 minute break.
i came home.
ate soup.
am still hungry.
guess i'll satisfy.
with a chewy bar.

if i see you, i'll kill you!

humans are worse than...

chickens. have you ever heard the story about the chicken who was pecked to death by the others because he wasn't raised with them? well, humans are worse than that.

i really despise humanity. all other animals are so much more civilized than humans. ants carry the dying back home, cows herd together to protect their young, everything is so much kinder than humans. i get so sick of people.

today is one those days.

happy times. i love the act of fishing. i just like to sit on the end of the dock with a pole and piece of string sticking in the water. it's so peaceful. it's one of those things that makes you forget everything. i'm happiest sitting on the edge of the dock, toes in the water, sun shining, with a fishing pole. i feel so free when i'm at the lake. i love to just fall asleep on the raft with the sun on my back and the sound of the water all around.

i also love trees. i love to climb them. once, my grandma didn't have the guys trim her trees as quickly as she usually does, do i climbed up and just sat in the tree and read. you feel so powerful yet weak when sitting high in a tree. you feel as though you know and see all yet are humble.

i need to move and get away from everyone. i can't wait to move out of my house, away from everyone. sometimes you just need an escape from everything, everyone.

i will make you my world.

ha ha.

listening to dane cook right now. ah, i am laughing so much. it's making up for this horrible day.

isn't that sad that it is 12:50 am i'm already in a bad mood? tonight will be worse. we have a midnight showing of batman tonight and i am one of the two people vending. i hate the other guy too. ugh. today's going to suck.

school sucks. i just...ugh! failed a test. lost a packet. my grade is already slippin. this sucks.

more later.

pizza is the key to world peace.

the rest fell in.

around 4ish, i called g to go "father's day gift shopping". yeah, no. i need to go back to the gap because i was going to buy the whole store so i decided to go back before we left, which we didn't. i found the cutest homecoming dress! lol, considering homecoming is in october it made me laugh. last year i ended up getting a dress last minute. the dress is black with green straps and ribbon, it sound ugly, but it's cute.

i also bought a shirt from old navy, a rubber chicken that makes sounds like it's dying-it cracks me up, it sounds so horrible, and a rubber duck on a key chain.

i wanted to buy up all these cute articles of clothing at this store that half of mine and g's friends wouldn't be caught in. yeah, if you can't figure it out, you're dumb. i hate writing it so that's why i'm pretty much leading you to the conclusion...or whatever you want to call it.

test tomorrow. i still have to do my two packets. the newspaper project...ugh! still have to work on it.

i found out one of my friends is obsessed with this one guy friend of ours and it's really funny. she keeps saying his name and talking about him and she won't come out and say that she wants him. i told her she's better hurry, because when we're older and he's filthy rich, he's mine.

jesus wept.

movie and hw.

i saw kicking & screaming today with my little sister. it was alright. i was a little disappointed. i think i'm going to go see it again because the plot has to do with coffee and one of my friends is almost as obsessed with coffee as i am. we used to go get coffee about every other day.

i have so much homework! oh my goodness! it is so crazy! i hate school. two packets due tomorrow and i also have a test tomorrow. plus this newspaper project. i don't think i'll get an a on the newspaper thing, just a b.

i need to get a father's day card or gift or something. i don't know what to get my dad yet. i need something good, but cheap. funny, yet meaningful. why do there have to be so many frickin' holiday things? how many times do you buy your brother/sister something on sibling day? most people would answer never. some people don't even know there is a sibling holiday. it's like valentine's day. who came up with valentine's day? saint valentine? anyway, can't we treat our loved ones with roses and candy and gifts on random days? why does there have to be a specific day to express your love and appreciation? like 4/20. because you're only going to get high on 4/20. why is it so cool to get high on this day? it's such a random day! it'd be like if i said "i'm celebration 6/9. yeah, gonna get laid and have a huge party where everyone gets laid. skipping summer school! wooh!". it has no point. there are only four holidays i don't mind: easter, christmas, july fourth, and thanksgiving. i don't like the presents part of christmas. i don't like gifts. let's celebrate the birth of jesus by giving you some over-priced mountain bike that you'll never ride because it's blue, not red. i only like july fourth because it reminds us to appreciate where we live, our freedom, and our military, like vetern's day. i like vetern's day. but very few people even know when it is.

i have no idea how i started rambling on that...wow.

For keyboard shortcuts, press Ctrl with: B = Bold, I = Italic, S = Publish, D = Draft

really embarrassing day.

i told someone this embarrassing dream i had, and before i knew it. lots of people knew. today sucked so badly. i don't even know where to start, so i won't.

i've decided i hate my hair. i tried to fix it like it was done right after it was cut, but it looks like shit. ugh. i think i need extentions to fix it except for the fact extentions look like ratty horse hair.

lots more stuff is going on, but am too lazy to write it.

monkey's uncle.

work.

work was interesting. it was pouring most of the day and i had to park far in the lot and walk to the door. i walked slowly and got drenched. it felt like a movie scene because here i was, walking slowly, and everyone else around me was running. i love the rain. i didn't care that the hair that took me an hour to style was ruined, i just felt calm as i walked in drinking my coffee. i got in and katie convinced me to go to this puddle that formed where cars turn in and we splashed around. i was soaked up to my knees and higher. i was so sopping wet!

i hate everyone i work with. i gave my two weeks today. i'm actually doing it for numerous reasons and if my boss doesn't try and fix them or level with me, i'm going to quit. i'm just a teenager. i have my whole life to live.

dustin asked me about my three boyfriends today :)!! it was humorous. it's because i'm always at the movies with one of these three guys: a, e, or the grossest one that he thought, my brother. he kept talking about the tall blonde one and how "he's a keeper". i just tell him he's a loser and he's trying to make me feel bad about being single, which i don't.

sadly, i think i like being single. it's been so long since i've been in a relationship that i like being with myself. there are times though that i just want someone to talk to and hold me and don't know who to turn to, but relationships are so strange the first couple of weeks. i always say it, but i want to skip over the impressing each other crap, the getting to know each other crap, and get to where you are comfortable sitting at home watching a movie or just sitting in a park or something and not talking.

the ice slowly dripped onto the floor.

really bored, in case the numerous posts didn't tip you off

I have to work tonight. Not looking forward to it. I love not working. When I don't work I can do anything, really obvious, I know. It's so nice to be free and be able to have plans. It's nice just to go on the computer and complain about being bored. I was reading this article today about all the negative effects jobs have on teenagers. It was really funny. I want to quit my job for a little bit, take a leave of absence or something. I just need a break. After yesterday off, I'll be good for awhile though.

Prostitution gives me power! (lol Shannon)

no sucking face.

no sucking face. who says that? lol, wow. inside jokes with myself are quite humorous!

crap; the sequels sequel

i accidently hit return instead of tab, so those other two posted. whatever. the whole crap thing is about this one person i know. i'm so confused. i don't want to explain. i just want to vent without details. how can they? they have no idea what they are thinking! they need to open their eyes! they have to stop being so stupid. they don't know me! i don't know them! they need to just LEAVE ME ALONE! they seriously have to back off and chill out because it makes me want to be around them even less. should i talk to them? should i try and explain? they don't know me because i don't know me. i'm not who i want to be and they should see that, accept it. i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore! i'm going crazy. it's the haircut.

crap; the sequel.

crap.

i'm too optimistic and egocentric!

you should all read the third comment to the post about commenting with your name or anonymously! i absolutly love it! it makes me laugh so much. i just want to say that if that person is reading this, you made my day, because you want to know something? you know nothing about me. i do have a huge ego, lol, i will admit to that. but i don't give a rat's ass when people don't like me. i feel worse about myself when i get compliments because guess what!, i too believe they are lies. just wanted to say thanks for making my day. have a great and long life!

cinderella man...

was a fantastic movie! i know i'm going to end up buying it. i have never been in a theater that was so quiet. i felt bad for breathing. i was very impressed by renee zellweger because i have never thought she was a very good actress. she brought me close to, not quite to, tears. as i'm sure all of you know, the movie is about boxng and i'm one of those people that when someone inhales, i have a sharp intake of air. a was making fun of me after the movie for this. again, it was an awesome movie and you should all go see it!

after the movie we headed over to little caesar's/tcby/subway/caribou coffee and talked there. it was really fun getting to know a better. at first we weren't hungry, but he ended up buying and eating half a pizza. saw my friend evan there also.

after this, i headed home because i was exhausted from the movie, it made my whole body tense. and i went online and just sort of did nothing for an hour or so. then i watched "there's something about mary" which i have never seen. it was strange because while i was watching it i seemed to remember it, not predict it. i didn't really like it. i thought it was actually pretty stupid, but not in a good way like zoolander. then i fell asleep.

woke up naturally this morning at 8. went back to bed. woke again t 10 something and got ready for the day. here i am again, so you can most likely conclude i am bored.

also, forgot to mention, i got my hair cut. it looks okay. it looked really nice after it was done, but hair never looks as good when you attempt to fix it yourself. i've decided i'm going to dye my hair purple. not bright barney purple, but a deep purple that shows up a bit when just looking at it, but more in the light. i'm excited. my hair stylist doesn't want to do it because they have to bleach my hair first and there's this thing about damaging my hair, but hey, it's only hair.

monkies are bananas!

another one.

Here's something to amuse you if you're bored...comment with your name or anonymously.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me or have you ever?
10. Would you slap me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I lovable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. What job do you think I'll end up with?
35. Would you ever just come over unexpected just to say "Hi"?
34. Are you going to put this on your xanga/blogger and see what I say about you?

thinking of you

no work today! i hope i'm going to a movie, not sure yet. i want to go to mr. and mrs. smith so badly, but i'd have to pay and that would suck. i love angelina jolie, lol georgia and anyone else who has heard me talk about her.

hair trim in like an hour/ hour and a half. i should do something productive, but i won't.

i should exercise. i feel blobby. i should have walked a little after eating. i went out to eat with georgia and her family for abbie's b-day. or is it abby? i hate names that have two spellings...wait, nvm. i just realized my name is sara. lol, sara, sarah, sara, sarah. back to the eating thing, we went to paridiso and it was so good! the whole walking thing (what i mentioned earlier in the paragraph) reminds me how heidi and i had to walk 3 or 4 blocks to my car after eating and we were no longer close to bursting. i should do that...but i won't.

i love my guitar case! lol. i have so many ideas for it running through my head. i'm not just going to leave it black. i'm either going to paint it, decorate it with bumper/activist stickers, or just do random things to it. i'm either going to turn it into a backpack thing to take on trips or a shelf in my room, it'd fit my room's "theme" perfectly. i laugh everytime i look at it. joe says i should sit on a corner with it open and play something like the tamborine or hermonica. i laughed so hard! i did buy a blow up guitar so i told him i'd use it. turns out joe plays guitar and there was some guitar rock thing last night he missed. he was sort of sad about that and his hair cut, even though the hair cut makes him look so much better.

ice cream rocks!

Updated from Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Bold the things that you have done:

1. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (you know heidi, even thought it wasn't really us!)
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment -constantly
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photo-copier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can -unfortunately
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice? -about five times
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten kicked from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art, no matter how bad, from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office (lol, just school public office)
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

i've only done a couple more things, but next october and june, i'm going to do this again. i'll make it my goal to go fifteen more each time. i'm going to choose smart ones though, because i don't feel like getting arrested or drunk on wine anytime soon. i'll write more later.

interesting title

i realized that this guy i work with, dustin, is human. it was really strange. i usually just recard him as the pervert who calls me fat to escape his own insecurities, but tonight...this morning, he actually had a normal conversation. it was pretty cool.

i've also decided i hate capital (right one?) letters. you may have noticed this already, but this is the first time i have actually written it down. my favorite part about no capitals is the letter i. it's pretty kick ass.

i sent this weird e-mail survey thing to friends and now i'm getting like five a day. it's really funny how i put it out there and how many people like doing it. i see why people send me those weird essay things. it's because of the power!

i was so stressed yesterday...well, officially, two days ago. i can't remember if i wrote about it, so i'm going to, and if i did, who gives a shit. two days ago the day of the kid who spray painted our shed came over. my parents, the other kids mom, and the spray paint kids dad were in my yard talking for what seemed like an eternity. i motioned for my mom to come over so i could talk to her and i asked her if i could go to the mall.
"why?"
"because i don't want to be here..."
"sara, nothing happening. we're just talking."
shouts "i don't want to be here. i have to get out of this house." everyone turns and looks at sara.
"fine." mother is embarrassed.
i called about ten people to go to the mall with or to try and make plans with, but it must have been national "don't answer your phone" day. so i went to gordman's and target by myself. one thing you find when you get your license, is you go to quite a few more places alone. i never realized it, but when i'm stressed, i spend money. i bought a really cute green tanktop at gordmans for cheap and then decided to head over to target to buy chewy bars, my new favorite snack food. i decided that i couldn't just buy chewy bars so i ended up buying a purse, two magazines, candy suckers, a cd, and some other small things. i felt better after spending all that money.

ashley, georgia, and i are going to go somewhere during break at summer school tomorrow. i really don't want to go, but i'm the only one who can drive, and i've been saying we will go for about a week, so i kind of have to. i'm just paranoid about losing more hours. i don't mind sitting in the lunchroom talking about nothing, but that's just me.

i have an a in history right now. it was a b on my hand out and i asked her what the cut-off was and she says "9s" and i say "you said it was 94 earlier, and i have a 93 and it says b", then she says "oh, the computer must have reverted back". yeah. i got a b on my test. quite proud of that!

getting hair cut/trim tomorrow! excited!

no work tomorrow so i hope i'll be going to a movie. i'll either call a, heidi, georgia, or rachel. idk who yet. it's so hard having so many friends! j/k!

i got so mad at dustin today, this was before i realized he was human, and he had no idea why. i was quiet and everyone was asking me what was wrong (i had a headache and felt sick) and i kept saying nothing. so dustin assumes it's the thing he says to me everyday (the whole "you're fat, you're ugly, sashkamo" thing), but it isn't. so he tells me i'm a hot, skinny barbie doll, which pisses me off. i don't like getting compliments from guys. sincere or because they think they did something wrong. i feel so much better about myself when people tell me i'm ugly or fat than i do if they say something positive. i'm weird like that though.

i stole my brother's cigarettes. they're in my purse right now. i'm waiting for him to ask me if i told our parents because they're gone. i'm gonna tell him i took them because smoking is so stupid and i don't want him to die, an argument i've used with him over a hundred times. he'll say the same thing he always says "we're all gonna die anyway". it's stupid to bring up the whole "it kills you thing" with my suicidal brother. i thought about this after it came out of my mouth. i don't want him to die though. smoking is so stupid and as much as i dislike my brother right now, for the smoking, stealing, and sex thing, i do love him and i don't know what i would do without him. when he has his good days, it's like he's my old brother again, the one i can laugh and joke with, the one i play video games with, not a creepy stealing bum. i don't like who he's become and i wish i could change it. we all do.

home.

just got home. went to school and then went garage saleing with G. i bought a guitar case and i don't own a guitar. i also bought lots of other random stuff. don't feel like writing. the end.

AKA

crazy. my family is currently competed in a shouting match. my mom is winning, but my brother and dad are close behind. my family is so strange. i can't wait to move out. it's going to be so nice to have a place of my own. i just want to go upstairs and shout "loud noises" (anchorman), but they wouldn't get it.

going to a bbq later. my family wants me to be fat. i can sense it. they're all waiting until they can eat me.

got report card today. i was proud. mom was disappointed, surprise there (not sarcasm). i thought she'd be proud of the b in chemistry, a class i struggled with, but all she said was that i could've done better and next year i need to try harder so i can get into a good college.

called a. he was cool with it. it worked out because it didn't work for either of us. we made plans to make plans though. it was really funny. we're just going to call each other the next time either of us is free and ask the other. he's so funny. i need a good laugh right about now.

no one is online. at least no one who can cheer me up. people are complaining about school and other random stuff. i think i've grown up a lot this year, cheesy, i know. but i'm serious. with my brother and all these other family problems i was never aware of, i've matured a lot more. i don't laugh, like truefully laugh not laugh just to, anymore. i did today though. i'm starting to more.

Good day.

Today, so far, has been a good day.

After school I went out to eat with a friend that I haven't talked to or been with one-on-one for who knows how long. I had a great time. There were some pauses, but luckily they weren't too awkward as we shoveled food into our mouths. We had the funniest conversation on nicknames and I can't wait to start using some of them!

I was supposed to do something with A today, but I didn't call him. I was supposed to call him after last...Tuesday(?), but I've been busy. I'm going to call him (hopefully) before 5. I feel bad for calling this much later, but I have been busy.

Cleaned my room before my mom told me to. I decided to stay one step ahead.

No homework! We had a test and watched a movie in school today.

No work! Work tomorrow though, ugh!

Hair cut/trim thing on Friday. I'm excited! It's been a long time coming. I think I want to schedule a haircut for my friend Joe, because the back of his hair is growing faster than the front, and he is starting to have the beginnings of a mullet. It's really funny. Ever since I met him, I've been telling him he needs it cut.

I'm going to try to find something productive to do. Later.

Cops.

This is getting crazy. This is the second time the cops have been at our house in the past week. It's getting old. I'm so sick of everything. This time it was two cop cars. I hate this part of my life. My mom turned to me today and asked why she couldn't have just had us two girls. This is why I don't rebel as much as I want to. I see how much her heart breaks when my brother does something stupid. Today we called the cops though because the thing was only indirectly because of my brother. It was quite funny, I'm the denial person in the family. The one who has the head in the clouds and acts like nothing is normal. The cops called me outside and I told them I had to turn off the stove and go inside in about four minutes because that's when my casserole would be done. I hope none of my kids turn out to be like Michael.

just because i miss the gang.

just because it's my favorite thing ever!
just because it's funny...to me anyway.
just because it's the way the world works, deal with it.
just because food allergies can be scary.
just because i hate honey.
just because i want a hamster of a leash.
just because honesty is the best policy.
just because cats suck; they just do.
just because one hamster wasn't enough.
just because i'm going to have to ask my boss this now.

Cliff Notes: My life

School- fell asleep, lost an hour
Work- fun, 100% on with till, i'm good like that
Home- boring,
Movie-Lords of Dogtown, good movie, had fun with friend, rachel
Home- boring, tired, online, did nothing

I need...

a life
more time
a heart
time to care
sleep
food
help
coffee
better post
more time
to post

I laughed, I cried.

Today I laughed so hard I started crying. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard. I'll explain this later in another post.

Went to Target with Maggie since I got my paycheck. We got in as it was saying we had 15 minutes left, but I still managed to spend over 30 dollars. That is like 2 dollars a minute. I tried on all these clothes and ended up just buying this really cute white tanktop. I also bought a CD, chewy bars-one of my favorite foods sadly, flip-flops, and about a dozen other things. It was really fun.

After Target we went to Blockbuster and I rented Anchorman. I've seen the first five minutes and since people are work are constantly quoting it, I decided to rent and watch it. I'm about half way through it right now.

Lots of funny things happened at work today. Again, I'll explain in another post when I have more time.

I'm Ron Burgundy, keep shining San Diego (or something like that).

Bad to the bone.

One of my friends does everything that is illegal (smoking, drinking, drugs) and all this other stupid stuff and it's starting to rub off on me just like she said it would. Her, me, and this other girl we work with all have fake IDs (I got mine the other day) and have plans to go to Crookston to get our tongues pierced.

It all started when I casually mentioned that I've always wanted my eyebrow, nose, or especially my tongue, pierced. The next thing I know, she's handing me a fake ID and tells me that the two of us and this other girl (who's 19) are going to be going to Crookston in the next two weeks to get our tongues and whatever else we want, pierced.

I know that'll I'll most likely end up chickening out or just not going. But at one point, I was going along with it and pumped. The old me never would've done that. I don't plan on doing any of the other stuff that she does though. Nothing can wear me down when it comes to things like those.

More later.

Blogging just to...

I'm blogging just to blog. Enjoy. I am far to interesting to capture in words. Maybe when I have time and it isn't midnight...then again, maybe not.

forgot...so yeah.

the first place i ever put in an application for, was the local library. obviously, i didn't get it. my mom's teaching aid works there part-time and one of the people asked her if she knew anyone who wanted a job there and would be a good worker, and she gave them my number! i hope they call me! i wouldn't quit the theater, but i'd cut down on hours.

i got my paycheck today. marcus was all proud and bragging about his 307 and i'm just like, that's nice, i got almost forty more than that. i had over-time. i knew i worked a lot. only four people excluding the manager and assistant manager had over-time. i...ugh, nvm.

traveling pant movie

saw the movie of the title of this post. it was alright. i went to the midnight showing because i had to work. it was fun.

going to exercise tomorrow and do my homework. my two least favorite things. the reason i hate exercising is once i start, i have trouble stopping. i'll go at least 25 on the treadmill, and then i'll be like only a couple more minutes until i burn blank calories, then i'll be like look how close i am to this time, and it never ends. once i ended up running for 2 hours. i was so exhausted. i only got off because my parents came home. i stumbled off like a drunk. i sort of miss being addicted to exercise. it was such a great release. but if i missed a day, i'd panic. it was like when i was on the diet and once i came off i had trouble eating over 1200 calories. i miss losing all the weight. i'm going to first start to exercise, and set a time that i can't go over and later in the summer, i'll start the diet.

scheduled a hair cut/trim today. need to schedule a coloring. i'm planning on red highlights, but not too sure right now.

i need sleep. this is the only time i have time to post. lol, nite.

exhausted.

i am seriously thinking i need to check into a hospital for exhaustion. i just got home from work and look at the time of the post! i did all my duties, i was a doorman today so i had to change posters and the big letters at the top of the theater, the duties of the cashier because i was feeling generous (this include the little letters at the top of the box office), and I helped the vendors clean. richard bought us pizza and he finally realized i'm a vegetarian so he got me cheese.

at work i was in a really bad mood. i just felt out of it. i was helping the two vendors clean because i didn't have anything else to do, and one of the vendors decided to leave and talk to fairy in the box office. i wanted to scream. chris told me my face was red and i looked pissed off. i didn't say anything.

dustin comes in to help me with the big letters because i've never done it before. so we're standing outside and he starts talking about not being laid in three months, how hot he thinks he is, and how i look fat. i just agree with him. he finally looks to me irritated and says "you're not supposed to agree that you're fat, you're supposed to cry". i laughed. this cheered me up a bit.

school tomorrow. summer school. i have been late the past two days. i'm going to grab coffee before class tomorrow. i need sleep. ha.

nite. more tomorrow.

Yesterday...

Yesterday I went to The Longest Yard and I was right, it was boring. I talked with my friend, A, through the whole thing. About ten minutes after the movie started, Katie came into the theater with a flashlight and was trying to locate me and A, but since we were in the back she was just randomly shining people. It was really funny. She finally located us, shouted "NO MAKING OUT", and then ran out of the theater.

After the movie we decided to go out to eat because they had all this money left, since A didn't have to buy a ticket, and we headed to Panda Buffet. It was really good, and again, really fun.

After this, I was driving them home, A doesn't have a license yet, and we passed Walmart. So we just decided to go hang around in Walmart which was really funny. Ran into some friends that I haven't seen for awhile which was pretty cool.

We got into this argument about the rating of this movie, so to settle it, we headed to Blockbuster. I lost the bet. It was sad.

Then I took A home, got online, did nothing, went to bed.

Okay. I'm in bed sleeping because it's 2am when my phone rings. It's Fairy and she just wants to talk. I don't realize that it's 2am and I start getting dressed for summer school. I mention this to Fairy and she tells me it's 2am. I utter some cuss words of disbelief, tell her I need to sleep, and go to bed. Wake up late. Am tardy for class.

This is perhaps one of the worst things I have ever written. I'm trying to be vague, and it isn't working too well. Whatever. Peace out!